Sticks & Stones

We've all heard that classic quote, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Wrong. Words not only hurt, but tend to linger long after they are said. Your mind replays them incessantly in your head, until you have essentially brainwashed yourself into believing them. That is what my mind has done over and over for the past 20 plus years.

When I was about 7 or 8, I began my "awkward" phase. I was taller (than most everyone in my classes), had braces (way before anyone else) and was bigger (had extra weight) than your average child my age. To give you more perspective on me, my parents are gorgeous human beings. My Dad is a real man, who stands at 6'3" and played ball growing up. My Mom is a beautiful, blond native Texan. I am the oldest of three to my younger brother and sister. My brother played baseball his entire life, and after graduation became and model/actor. My sister is a fun, loving free spirit who has such a huge heart. To sum up my family, they are beautiful, talented and loving all in their unique ways.

My parents. I mean...c'mon! 

The family celebrating my parent's 30th Anniversary (August 2014)! 

When I was going through my "awkward" phase, my brother was just starting his "career" in baseball. I can vividly remember kids calling me all kinds of names, "fat," "ugly," "gross," and the list goes on. I even had people (grown and my age) ask me if I was pregnant. Can you imagine what that's like as a 10-year-old to be asked? It's awkward, confusing and embarrassing. I remember many nights over the course of a decade crying myself to sleep. I would ask God, "why did you make me ugly?" Why does no one like me?" "Why is everyone pretty but me?" These words that people said either to my face or behind my back felt like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from. I felt like the ugly step-sister in my family. My brother was this all-star athlete and my sister was this creative, free spirit.

Blair and I doing what we do best...goofing off! And yes, that's a puka shell necklace.

That's me on the left. 

Fast forward to high school, where I never had a boyfriend, wasn't one of the "cool" kids, didn't go to my Junior prom and had to ask my date to Senior prom. I was so ready for college. A fresh start, new state, and a new me!

During my Sophomore year at Auburn, I remember returning to school after Christmas break and setting a goal for myself, "I will workout three times a week." Simple. Something in me had changed. I knew that no longer wanted to be the "fat" girl. I was tired of feeling like people were judging me before they even got to know me. I was tired of feeling like I wasn't good enough. I was tired of feeling unworthy. So, I started working out three days a week. The exercising was a good outlet for me. It was a time in my day that I could listen to the music from my iPod, not the voices in my head. After my Sophomore semester, I transferred back home and finished up my undergrad degree at Kennesaw State University.

It sounds funny to say, but working out led me to believe that anything was possible. I began interning in Atlanta at several local/national television affiliates. My self-confidence was at an all time high! Upon graduation, I received a job opportunity I had only dreamed of...working at the MLB (Major League Baseball) Network. Living in the Big Apple, I began to cook for myself. It finally started to click that you are what you eat. Yes, it is great to workout, but that food should be used as fuel! And that's where the combo of fitness and food blossomed!

For me, it's all about a lifestyle (as I've mentioned several times before on my blog). In the words of another Kelly, Kelly Osbourne, she said in an interview, “I’ll always be a FFP (Former Fat Person).” She continues describing her daily struggle with self-image. “When you see yourself in a certain way, that never changes. People who are larger, and then lose weight, will always look in the mirror and see themselves as the fat girl no matter what happens.” This is EXACTLY how I feel. Now versus the cruel words like "fat," "ugly," or "gross," I hear "skinny," "beautiful," and "gorgeous." But like the other Kelly (Osbourne) said, you will always see yourself as the former girl.

Today people are shocked when they find out how big I used to be (175 pounds and a size 14). They say things like, "I bet you've always been skinny." "I bet it's easy for you to stay that size." "You can eat whatever you want." And to them I explain that I have not always been this way; it took years of balancing working out with eating right. And with that mentality, anyone can eat whatever they want, but that's not healthy and your body needs balance.

Thanks to my trainer, Kendall, and eating healthy majority of the time...I've never felt better!

I was extremely hesitant to write this post, because this subject matter is so hard for me to talk about with anyone (especially so many people who I don't know personally). But after recently having brunch with a friend, she suggested that I tell my story. I began this blog to help introduce people to new recipes, restaurants, places, and tips/tricks for working out. I want to help you realize that I'm just like you. I struggle with my weight, self-image, self-confidence and self-worth on the reg. What has changed you may ask? I know that I am worthy. Those words that people used to say to me when I was younger have made me into the woman I am today. Strong and beautiful!

I hope you too can one day believe the same: that you are strong and beautiful. And no matter where you are in your journey, know that you are enough!

Kelly